Introduction.

Hello! Welcome to my blog. If this is the first time you've come across this site, then it can mean either if these things:
1. I'm dead
2. I got hacked
3. Your found out about this organically

If it's 1. then you're probably someone I know and honestly, This is the best outcome. Who wants to live a life doing stupid things, getting stupid accomplishments and working towards stupid goals anyway? I never wanted any of that. All my life, I've just been on survival mode, doing only the things that gave me at sweet-sweet dopamine. Just know that wherever I am now, I'm prolly doing the same thing.

Now if it's 2. well then this is embarrassing... I'm probably gonna end up thinking about this for the rest of my life and have nightmares. It happened once many years ago and yes, I do get nightmares about that. But, Its not really an issue since it was just one platform and I was able to recover my account pretty quickly before anything bad could happen. However, If someone finds about this site, it would be pretty bad for me so if you're someone I know and you found out, please keep it hush-hush. Thanks!

And well, if you fall into the 3. category, then I would like to start off by apologizing. This blog is mostly for myself which we'll get into the specifics of, later in this post and you don't have to stick around and waste your time reading about my stupid life. That is, if you're a happy person. As you might've realized by now, I'm not a happy person, I never was and I never will be. And if you're feeling down or sad right now, then you might as well spend some time here and maybe you can feel better reading about my own sad, happy or emotional days.

Purpose.

Regardless of whatever category you fall into, you might be wondering what is the point of going through all this effort just to write some text that I don't even know if anyone will ever read. Well, That is the point. This blog is more for myself than for others. I was recently diagnosed with severe anxiety & depression. Now, normal people have depression (or sad days) due to some tragic event or maybe something else and it generally goes away in some months or a couple years. Except for me, because I am not normal. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember.

Now, you might have your own opinions about mental health and Phycological disorders. I get it, and you might not even consider it anything serious. I have many people in my life who think that way. I like to call them privileged people because 99% of the time, these people have never gone through a single serious tragic event in their life. Which actually is a net good, it's not a bad thing to be lucky. We're all humans after all, we all don't understand each other until we've ourselves gone through a similar situation ourselves.

I have suffered from ADHD my whole life and until recently, it was undiagnosed. I'm sure I have other disorders too, but let's not get into that here. The problem with finding out about this at 20years old, is that all those stupid and weird things you've done or that you've thought about, they suddenly start to click! And then comes the stage where you become self-conscious and start to overthink even more and it becomes a spiral from there.

One thing I learnt in therapy is that writing down things and feelings, helps a lot. I myself find it very cringe and distasteful and it does add to my anxiety (yay! yet another extra pill for the day.) but the pros outweigh the cons so whatever. I initially started by maintaining a dairy and have been doing that everyday for the past 12 or so days where every night, before going to sleep, I write about my day and how I felt and what I did. But that got boring pretty fast and I started to think, What if I wrote about my feelings and events, when they happen and not at the end of the day. So, that's where this blog comes in. I'll be writing about my day and events as they happen here and I'll post them in a Page format and the "pages" will be published when there is enough content for one page.

Names & Other Information.

I would also like to clear out the name of this blog. My life's philosophy is that each year is a chapter and each day is a page. The contents of the page are the events and thoughts that happen through out the day and as of writing this, I am 20years old. Hence, the name: PagesFromTwenty. I will be going into depths of my life including past events and also rants. And I cannot guarantee that all posts will be in the tone same as this one. Some might be sad, some tragic, some happy and some emotional or even suicidal so reader desecration is highly advised.